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Grief support checklist

Grief needs practical help more than it needs the right words. This is what to actually do, in the days after and the months that follow.

23 items

Makes your own editable copy. No account needed.

The items

  1. A specific offer, not 'let me know if you need anything'A vague offer puts the work of asking onto someone who has none left to spare.
  2. Food that needs no thought and no washing up
  3. Left on the doorstep rather than requiring a visit
  4. Labelled with what it is and how to heat it
  5. Disposable containers, so nothing needs returning
  6. A practical task taken off their hands
  7. Picking up other children from school
  8. Walking the dog
  9. A supermarket shop, done rather than offered
  10. Admin and calls made on their behalf, if askedRegistering a death, cancelling subscriptions, contacting a solicitor — offer to make the actual calls, not just to remind them to.
  11. A lift arranged for the funeral or any appointment
  12. Contact kept up after the funeralThe flowers and messages arrive in the first week; the harder weeks are the ones after, once everyone else has gone quiet.
  13. A date in the diary to check in again, further outThree weeks, six weeks, the first birthday — the moments everyone else forgets.
  14. No pressure to talk about it, and no pressure not toFollow their lead on whether today is a talking day.
  15. Their words used for the person who died, not softened onesUsing the name is usually welcomed, not avoided.
  16. Practical anniversaries flagged gentlyThe first Christmas, the first birthday — a message that says you remembered, without demanding a response.
  17. Other people helping, coordinated rather than duplicatedThree people bringing the same dinner on the same day helps nobody; a shared list avoids it.
  18. Their other responsibilities checked on
  19. Pets fed and walked
  20. Plants watered
  21. Post collected if the house is empty
  22. Professional support mentioned once, gently, without pushingGrief counselling or a GP referral is worth naming as an option — the decision is theirs, not something to arrange for them.
  23. Your own patience budgetedSupport needed for months, not the fortnight everyone else assumes.

Makes your own editable copy. No account needed.

Questions people ask

What should I actually say?
Less than you think, and something specific rather than a general offer. 'I'm bringing dinner on Tuesday' is easier to accept than 'let me know if you need anything', which asks them to do the organising.
How long does support like this need to last?
Longer than the first fortnight. Most attention arrives around the funeral and drops off exactly when things get harder — a message at six weeks or on the first birthday matters more than people expect.
Should I suggest they see someone professionally?
You can mention it once, gently, as an option rather than an instruction — grief counselling or a GP conversation helps some people and not others, and it has to be their decision to make.